To write or not to write...

It seems that everyone is blogging these days.  Blogging about what they see on the streets, what they're eating, what they're doing - the list in non-ending.  For a laugh, we even considered blogging about my dog's fantastic life.  I do tend to look at her and think, hey, she's got one hell of an awesome life.  She sleeps, cuddles, plays, eats and then gets to do it all again.  Never once having to worry about her hair (which is always brushed for her), where she's getting her next meal or treat from, or bills.  Or what she wants to be when she grows up.  She's just cute. That's it.  As fascinating as this might be for me, I do realise though that it might not be for others.  Hence, no blog about 'a day in the life of a little Yorkie'.

So now I've started this blog - and the first bit was easy - I got to write about my travels through France.  But then, then question came as to what now?  What does one write about day after day?  I find myself wishing I was taking a sabbatical travelling and living in France or in a countryside village in England - where I'm experiencing new things, smells and inspiration each day to gush about and share.  It's not so easy when you're in your hometown simply trying to figure things out.  Not riveting reading I can assure you.

I recall my angst-filled teenage years - that continued well into my 20's.  I wrote reams and reams of poetry.  I wrote on anything that would take a pen.  No notebook or diary?  No problem, whilst waiting for a drink or a train to arrive, I'd simply write on a receipt found in the bottom of my bag, or a napkin.  I would write so fast and would get so frustrated that my hand couldn't keep up with my pen - that the next morning or week, I wouldn't even be able to read what I'd written.  Not that I ever really went back to read what I'd written.  It was more about the act of writing.  Of putting all that was swirling around in my head and my heart down onto something.  To get the thoughts and words out of me.  I was so desperate to get them out of me.  To stop the noise inside of me.

I sometimes stumble upon some of the writing from my 20's, put down onto surface during my travels in Europe, and try as I may, often I can barely make out the ramblings that I'd put down.  When I do make out some of the paragraphs, it's like I'm instantly transported back there: in that moment where I'm writing it, feeling all those emotions. Remembering what brought them on and the sheer vitality or sense of desolation that accompanied them. It's Cathy and Heathcliff rolled into one - and all that was missing was the swirling mists on the moor.

When unpacking some boxes at my family home to bring back to my current life, I came across my old file that I had meticulously kept all my teenage ramblings in.  I have yet had the urge to relive those emotions.

So - after all that, I'v decided to use my blog as a visual diary, where I get to post any photos I take, simply to act as a visual source.  Forgive my occassional ramblings that might take over the visual aspect at times (such as this post) - but as I live in a world of words, images and textures, it's hard at times to seperate them.

So let me be off to go and capture some images to post - else I'll be forced to prattle on.

i.

Frozen moments.

Latest studio test.

Did some portrait tests today - was fun being in the studio again after the holiday break.

A New Year....good luck to all!

It's so weird being back in the hum-drum of everyday life again after spending 3 weeks inbetween 2 small seaside towns (one's more like a village than a town, but hey), with family and sun.  It's always such a whirlwind thought to have your annual holiday crammer together with the festivities of Christmas and New Year and then somewhere in between you just want to also lie back and read a book, or go for a long walk on the beach.  The Europeans have it much better planned with their main holiday being July - Sept and then Dec/Jan is all about the silly season.  Makes a lot more sense splitting these things up.

After the rough year we'd all just gone through, I decided to ignore the whole New Year's Eve hooha.  Yup.  No silly hats or crackers for me (however, I did hit the champagne quite hard - but that's not just saved for NY...so it doesn't count).  As I was with family, I could not completely ignore it (like I wanted to by hitting the sack with a good book around 8 pm....), so instead, we went out for a very civilised dinner and I made sure we were home before the revellers whipped out anything resembling a party streamer.  Not to sound too Scroogey, but I just wasn't up to the whole forced merriment and anticipation that inevitably is a disappointment like a wet, wilted balloon after all the helium's gone out of it (that actually pretty much describes how I felt this NY).  I tried instead to pretend it was just another summer's evening (with the obligatory NY's Eve rain) and had a lovely meal and hung out with my loved ones.  It suited me just fine.  They did not, however allow me to skulk off to bed the minute we got home - but the minute 12 struck, it was a kiss here, a kiss there and I was out of there and into my bed.

2010 hit me & my family with a sucker punch that truly knocked the wind out of all of us.  On top of the family drama,  I also chose 2010 to be the year left my workplace, moved house, moved out of my beloved city bowl to a suburb that still leaves me confused (after 11 months I still have to forcefully override my little car to not drive towards the mountain and the city, and instead take the off-ramp away from it) and basically spin around in one confused circle.

Needless to say, I didn't have much left in me to celebrate the onset of a new year.  Although I couldn't wait to kiss 2010 goodbye, experience has also left me a bit apprehensive for each new year.  I just hope that it's better.

I wish for health, love, clarity, joy, fun, and basically good things.  Abundance of all of these!  I wish for my higher self to make all my decisions for me and for my spirit to rejoice each day, knowing it's being nourished and cared for.   I wish for angels to walk by my side and by my loved ones to keep us all safe and well.  I wish to hear my inner voice every day and for the courage to follow it.  

Good luck to all of us.